Separation Anxiety part 2

Well, my partner has been gone for 1 month now.  It has been different for sure.

Initially, when i think back to what i was feeling, it can most closely be compared to a major break up.  all over the house are memories of him.  all my habits remind me of him.

he likes to have the toothpaste on the right side, i like it on the left.  so seeing it on the left, reminds me that he likes it on the right.  

our morning routine is no longer valid.  our weekend routine of going for a walk is an ever present reminder of his absence.

but i adapt.

the first couple of weeks really reminded of me of being single again.  all my old single routines needed to be reinstated.  for example, i had become accustomed to making dinner for two.  now it is just me.  back to left overs.

back to working late at the office too.  no reason to come home either.

after several weeks, the routine is establishing itself.  my friends have been fantastic, keeping me top of mind and inviting me out for dinners and social events.

i'm starting to feel more comfortable with it all now.

we are blessed with the state of technology.  given the 12 hour difference we are able to communicate by email and text almost real time.  online chat has been great too on the weekends when we are both in front of a computer.  midnight for me, lunch for him.

we've even chatted on the phone a couple of times.  it was weird though...both calls were slightly awkward, both of us searching for things to say.  i was a bit upset until i realized that due to our regular electronic communication we were actually current. there was nothing to say.

however, even though things are going well and i'm adapting just fine there is one thing that happens every day.

whenever i get into bed at night, it is incredibly obvious that he is not there.  our evening routine of a quick chat, a cuddle and a kiss are not there.

that is when i miss him the most.